I love the internet: Sinnbefreites, Kurioses und Spassiges aus aller Welt (NSFW!)

[Guardian]

 

[Hundstage]

 

[Henna]

Is das geil!

 

[rapanzel]

38 secrets you need to know, if you want to understand all Germans:

1. We love potatoes and bread. We also love marzipan. This is why we have marzipan bread and marzipan potatoes.

2. German basic rights: freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom to drive as fast as you fucking want.

3. If you want to ask someone how they’re feeling the German way, it needs to rhyme. (Favorites include: Is your crotch fit? Everything roger in Cambodia? Everything in butter on the cutter? Yes, these rhyme in German.)

4. The Oktoberfest is a fraud, it’s a Septemberfest.

5. Real German cookies have 52 teeth.

6. For the love of bees: German bee sting cake!

7. German reunification is a lie. We’re still divided into Aldi Nord and Aldi Süd.

8. Grammatical cases are at war in Germany. Dative constantly tries to kill genitive.

9. Funny thing: Most of the 90's TV presenters in Germany were Dutch.

10. Patriotism is weird. Unless the World Cup is on.

11. The pain you feel after drinking too much the night before is a male cat for Germans. The pain you feel after working out is a muscle male cat.

12. Every time something’s broken in Germany, it ends up covered in printed memes. #technikeristinformiert

13. German OTP: Gundula Gause und Claus Kleber!

14. If you’re ever fighting with someone about something use, “Das ham'se mal bei Galileo gebracht” as proof. Galileo is the most trustworthy of all sources.

15. If you want to tell a German that you’ve got pain in a part of your body just tell them I’ve got [insert body part].

16. In Germany you’re not a sissy, you’re a soft egg, a washcloth or a luke warm showerer.

17. The struggle when the Pfandautomat does not like your bottles.

18. . “Hi!” - “Where?”

19. Everytime you explain something to a German you need to end with “Klingt komisch, is aber so” or they won’t believe you.

20. Trying to form funny words with license plates. The struggle of living in a city that won’t allow any good license plates because the abbreviation sucks.

21. Mobile phones are very ‘handy’ for Germans.

22. Prime time starts at 8.15pm because no movie or TV show dares to get in the way of the holy Tagesschau.

23. If you want to insult Germans tell them there are cups missing from their cupboard.

24. You’re allowed to drink in public places. Feel free to enjoy your beer wherever you want. Even if you’re only 16.

25. German bread is the best bread. No contest. Everything else is toast or cardboard (and toast is no bread, it’s an abomination).

26. It’s easy to understand Dutch as a German because they are basically the same language, it’s just that Dutch sounds like a drunk German trying to speak English with a hot potato in their mouth.

27. Shops are closed on Sundays. We’re used to it. Except on some Sundays. Which is when every single German seems to feel the sudden need to go shopping on a Sunday. Because it’s so special.

28. You do not name your children “Kevin” or “Jaqueline”. Unless you’re cruel and want your children to suffer.

29. German names for jello: food of gods and wobble Peter.

30. SSDSDSSWEMUGABRTLAD was a German casting show because fuck other shows and their ridiculous acronyms.

31. People from rural Bavaria or Soxony often have to be subtitled on the news because no German who lives outside of these areas is capable of understanding them.

32. Not even questioning that one of the most popular rock bands is called “The Dead Trousers” and another one called “The Doctors” claims to be the best band in the world.

33. One of the most beloved characters in children’s television is a depressed loaf of bread whose arms and legs are too short.

34. Having no freaking idea what the Swiss are saying even though their language is technically called “Swiss German”.

35. Introducing someone as “meine Freundin” instead of “eine Freundin” can instantly turn a female friend from just a friend into your girlfriend.

36. Germans do not tell you to break a leg to wish you luck. Germans want you to break a leg and your neck. If you have to injure yourself at least do it properly, amateurs.

37. Fast trains in Germany are as cold as ICE.

38. We don't queue, we form waitsnakes!

 

[Captain Howdy]

38 secrets you need to know, if you want to understand all Germans:

1. We love potatoes and bread. We also love marzipan. This is why we have marzipan bread and marzipan potatoes.

2. German basic rights: freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom to drive as fast as you fucking want.

3. If you want to ask someone how they’re feeling the German way, it needs to rhyme. (Favorites include: Is your crotch fit? Everything roger in Cambodia? Everything in butter on the cutter? Yes, these rhyme in German.)

4. The Oktoberfest is a fraud, it’s a Septemberfest.

5. Real German cookies have 52 teeth.

6. For the love of bees: German bee sting cake!

7. German reunification is a lie. We’re still divided into Aldi Nord and Aldi Süd.

8. Grammatical cases are at war in Germany. Dative constantly tries to kill genitive.

9. Funny thing: Most of the 90's TV presenters in Germany were Dutch.

10. Patriotism is weird. Unless the World Cup is on.

11. The pain you feel after drinking too much the night before is a male cat for Germans. The pain you feel after working out is a muscle male cat.

12. Every time something’s broken in Germany, it ends up covered in printed memes. #technikeristinformiert

13. German OTP: Gundula Gause und Claus Kleber!

14. If you’re ever fighting with someone about something use, “Das ham'se mal bei Galileo gebracht” as proof. Galileo is the most trustworthy of all sources.

15. If you want to tell a German that you’ve got pain in a part of your body just tell them I’ve got [insert body part].

16. In Germany you’re not a sissy, you’re a soft egg, a washcloth or a luke warm showerer.

17. The struggle when the Pfandautomat does not like your bottles.

18. . “Hi!” - “Where?”

19. Everytime you explain something to a German you need to end with “Klingt komisch, is aber so” or they won’t believe you.

20. Trying to form funny words with license plates. The struggle of living in a city that won’t allow any good license plates because the abbreviation sucks.

21. Mobile phones are very ‘handy’ for Germans.

22. Prime time starts at 8.15pm because no movie or TV show dares to get in the way of the holy Tagesschau.

23. If you want to insult Germans tell them there are cups missing from their cupboard.

24. You’re allowed to drink in public places. Feel free to enjoy your beer wherever you want. Even if you’re only 16.

25. German bread is the best bread. No contest. Everything else is toast or cardboard (and toast is no bread, it’s an abomination).

26. It’s easy to understand Dutch as a German because they are basically the same language, it’s just that Dutch sounds like a drunk German trying to speak English with a hot potato in their mouth.

27. Shops are closed on Sundays. We’re used to it. Except on some Sundays. Which is when every single German seems to feel the sudden need to go shopping on a Sunday. Because it’s so special.

28. You do not name your children “Kevin” or “Jaqueline”. Unless you’re cruel and want your children to suffer.

29. German names for jello: food of gods and wobble Peter.

30. SSDSDSSWEMUGABRTLAD was a German casting show because fuck other shows and their ridiculous acronyms.

31. People from rural Bavaria or Soxony often have to be subtitled on the news because no German who lives outside of these areas is capable of understanding them.

32. Not even questioning that one of the most popular rock bands is called “The Dead Trousers” and another one called “The Doctors” claims to be the best band in the world.

33. One of the most beloved characters in children’s television is a depressed loaf of bread whose arms and legs are too short.

34. Having no freaking idea what the Swiss are saying even though their language is technically called “Swiss German”.

35. Introducing someone as “meine Freundin” instead of “eine Freundin” can instantly turn a female friend from just a friend into your girlfriend.

36. Germans do not tell you to break a leg to wish you luck. Germans want you to break a leg and your neck. If you have to injure yourself at least do it properly, amateurs.

37. Fast trains in Germany are as cold as ICE.

38. We don't queue, we form waitsnakes!

Aaaalter...teilweise echt zum schreien bei 36. hab ich fast unterm Tisch gelegen

 

[Michael a.T.]

Zu welchem Lager gehört das?

Meinem ;-)

 

[Sandman]

 

[Ijon Tichy]

38 secrets you need to know, if you want to understand all Germans:

1. We love potatoes and bread. We also love marzipan. This is why we have marzipan bread and marzipan potatoes.

2. German basic rights: freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom to drive as fast as you fucking want.

3. If you want to ask someone how they’re feeling the German way, it needs to rhyme. (Favorites include: Is your crotch fit? Everything roger in Cambodia? Everything in butter on the cutter? Yes, these rhyme in German.)

4. The Oktoberfest is a fraud, it’s a Septemberfest.

5. Real German cookies have 52 teeth.

6. For the love of bees: German bee sting cake!

7. German reunification is a lie. We’re still divided into Aldi Nord and Aldi Süd.

8. Grammatical cases are at war in Germany. Dative constantly tries to kill genitive.

9. Funny thing: Most of the 90's TV presenters in Germany were Dutch.

10. Patriotism is weird. Unless the World Cup is on.

11. The pain you feel after drinking too much the night before is a male cat for Germans. The pain you feel after working out is a muscle male cat.

12. Every time something’s broken in Germany, it ends up covered in printed memes. #technikeristinformiert

13. German OTP: Gundula Gause und Claus Kleber!

14. If you’re ever fighting with someone about something use, “Das ham'se mal bei Galileo gebracht” as proof. Galileo is the most trustworthy of all sources.

15. If you want to tell a German that you’ve got pain in a part of your body just tell them I’ve got [insert body part].

16. In Germany you’re not a sissy, you’re a soft egg, a washcloth or a luke warm showerer.

17. The struggle when the Pfandautomat does not like your bottles.

18. . “Hi!” - “Where?”

19. Everytime you explain something to a German you need to end with “Klingt komisch, is aber so” or they won’t believe you.

20. Trying to form funny words with license plates. The struggle of living in a city that won’t allow any good license plates because the abbreviation sucks.

21. Mobile phones are very ‘handy’ for Germans.

22. Prime time starts at 8.15pm because no movie or TV show dares to get in the way of the holy Tagesschau.

23. If you want to insult Germans tell them there are cups missing from their cupboard.

24. You’re allowed to drink in public places. Feel free to enjoy your beer wherever you want. Even if you’re only 16.

25. German bread is the best bread. No contest. Everything else is toast or cardboard (and toast is no bread, it’s an abomination).

26. It’s easy to understand Dutch as a German because they are basically the same language, it’s just that Dutch sounds like a drunk German trying to speak English with a hot potato in their mouth.

27. Shops are closed on Sundays. We’re used to it. Except on some Sundays. Which is when every single German seems to feel the sudden need to go shopping on a Sunday. Because it’s so special.

28. You do not name your children “Kevin” or “Jaqueline”. Unless you’re cruel and want your children to suffer.

29. German names for jello: food of gods and wobble Peter.

30. SSDSDSSWEMUGABRTLAD was a German casting show because fuck other shows and their ridiculous acronyms.

31. People from rural Bavaria or Soxony often have to be subtitled on the news because no German who lives outside of these areas is capable of understanding them.

32. Not even questioning that one of the most popular rock bands is called “The Dead Trousers” and another one called “The Doctors” claims to be the best band in the world.

33. One of the most beloved characters in children’s television is a depressed loaf of bread whose arms and legs are too short.

34. Having no freaking idea what the Swiss are saying even though their language is technically called “Swiss German”.

35. Introducing someone as “meine Freundin” instead of “eine Freundin” can instantly turn a female friend from just a friend into your girlfriend.

36. Germans do not tell you to break a leg to wish you luck. Germans want you to break a leg and your neck. If you have to injure yourself at least do it properly, amateurs.

37. Fast trains in Germany are as cold as ICE.

38. We don't queue, we form waitsnakes!

Ich finde es immer so interessant, was Menschen aus anderen Ländern und Kulturen über die unsrigen seltsamen Sitten und Gebräuche denken!

 

[Bongripper]

Die Liste ist teilweise lustig und teilweise ziemlicher Blödsinn. Aber als Außenstehender kann man nicht alles wissen, sondern muss glauben, was Dritte über uns schreiben.

 

[Hundstage]

Außenstehender? Menschen aus anderen Ländern? Es ist doch offensichtlich, dass die Liste, von hier lebenden Menschen erstellt worden ist.

 

[Ijon Tichy]

Außenstehender? Menschen aus anderen Ländern? Es ist doch offensichtlich, dass die Liste, von hier lebenden Menschen erstellt worden ist.

Ist es das? Also manche Sachen würden mir persönlich erstmal gar nicht als "seltsam" oder erwähnenswert auffallen. Sowas kommt halt erst durch die Betrachtung von außen zustande. Ich würde jetzt nicht meine Hand dafür ins Feuer legen, aber offensichtlich würde ich das auch nicht nennen.

 

[Hundstage]

Ist es das? Also manche Sachen würden mir persönlich erstmal gar nicht als "seltsam" oder erwähnenswert auffallen. Sowas kommt halt erst durch die Betrachtung von außen zustande. Ich würde jetzt nicht meine Hand dafür ins Feuer legen, aber offensichtlich würde ich das auch nicht nennen.

"1. We love potatoes and bread. We also love marzipan. This is why we have marzipan bread and marzipan potatoes."

Und so etwas hier, soll eine Betrachtung von außen sein? "If you’re ever fighting with someone about something use, “Das ham'se mal bei Galileo gebracht” as proof. Galileo is the most trustworthy of all sources." Komm schon...

 

[Ijon Tichy]

"1. We love potatoes and bread. We also love marzipan. This is why we have marzipan bread and marzipan potatoes."

Und so etwas hier, soll eine Betrachtung von außen sein? "If you’re ever fighting with someone about something use, “Das ham'se mal bei Galileo gebracht” as proof. Galileo is the most trustworthy of all sources." Komm schon...

Ja stimmt schon!
Aber ich könnte mir zumindest vorstellen, dass da ein "Ausländer" mit dran gesessen hat.

 

[Fire Down Under]

Das ist jetzt wiederum so exakt nicht mein Humor. HAben wir hier doch 2 sehr entspannte Lager.

Und dann gibt's so Klappspaten wie mich, die beides lustig finden.

 

[Othuum]

 

[Novocaine]

38 secrets you need to know, if you want to understand all Germans:

1. We love potatoes and bread. We also love marzipan. This is why we have marzipan bread and marzipan potatoes.

2. German basic rights: freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom to drive as fast as you fucking want.

3. If you want to ask someone how they’re feeling the German way, it needs to rhyme. (Favorites include: Is your crotch fit? Everything roger in Cambodia? Everything in butter on the cutter? Yes, these rhyme in German.)

4. The Oktoberfest is a fraud, it’s a Septemberfest.

5. Real German cookies have 52 teeth.

6. For the love of bees: German bee sting cake!

7. German reunification is a lie. We’re still divided into Aldi Nord and Aldi Süd.

8. Grammatical cases are at war in Germany. Dative constantly tries to kill genitive.

9. Funny thing: Most of the 90's TV presenters in Germany were Dutch.

10. Patriotism is weird. Unless the World Cup is on.

11. The pain you feel after drinking too much the night before is a male cat for Germans. The pain you feel after working out is a muscle male cat.

12. Every time something’s broken in Germany, it ends up covered in printed memes. #technikeristinformiert

13. German OTP: Gundula Gause und Claus Kleber!

14. If you’re ever fighting with someone about something use, “Das ham'se mal bei Galileo gebracht” as proof. Galileo is the most trustworthy of all sources.

15. If you want to tell a German that you’ve got pain in a part of your body just tell them I’ve got [insert body part].

16. In Germany you’re not a sissy, you’re a soft egg, a washcloth or a luke warm showerer.

17. The struggle when the Pfandautomat does not like your bottles.

18. . “Hi!” - “Where?”

19. Everytime you explain something to a German you need to end with “Klingt komisch, is aber so” or they won’t believe you.

20. Trying to form funny words with license plates. The struggle of living in a city that won’t allow any good license plates because the abbreviation sucks.

21. Mobile phones are very ‘handy’ for Germans.

22. Prime time starts at 8.15pm because no movie or TV show dares to get in the way of the holy Tagesschau.

23. If you want to insult Germans tell them there are cups missing from their cupboard.

24. You’re allowed to drink in public places. Feel free to enjoy your beer wherever you want. Even if you’re only 16.

25. German bread is the best bread. No contest. Everything else is toast or cardboard (and toast is no bread, it’s an abomination).

26. It’s easy to understand Dutch as a German because they are basically the same language, it’s just that Dutch sounds like a drunk German trying to speak English with a hot potato in their mouth.

27. Shops are closed on Sundays. We’re used to it. Except on some Sundays. Which is when every single German seems to feel the sudden need to go shopping on a Sunday. Because it’s so special.

28. You do not name your children “Kevin” or “Jaqueline”. Unless you’re cruel and want your children to suffer.

29. German names for jello: food of gods and wobble Peter.

30. SSDSDSSWEMUGABRTLAD was a German casting show because fuck other shows and their ridiculous acronyms.

31. People from rural Bavaria or Soxony often have to be subtitled on the news because no German who lives outside of these areas is capable of understanding them.

32. Not even questioning that one of the most popular rock bands is called “The Dead Trousers” and another one called “The Doctors” claims to be the best band in the world.

33. One of the most beloved characters in children’s television is a depressed loaf of bread whose arms and legs are too short.

34. Having no freaking idea what the Swiss are saying even though their language is technically called “Swiss German”.

35. Introducing someone as “meine Freundin” instead of “eine Freundin” can instantly turn a female friend from just a friend into your girlfriend.

36. Germans do not tell you to break a leg to wish you luck. Germans want you to break a leg and your neck. If you have to injure yourself at least do it properly, amateurs.

37. Fast trains in Germany are as cold as ICE.

38. We don't queue, we form waitsnakes!

Habe das jetzt einfach mal zu Facebook kopiert und bin gespannt, >50% nicht aus Deutschland.
Kann mir übrigens nicht vorstellen, dass das aus der Außenperspektive geschrieben wurde. Da sind zu viele Anspielungen auf Internetkult und Klischees zu finden, die (aus meiner Erfahrung) einfach kein Ausländer mit Deutschland assoziiert, der nicht schon Jahrzehnte knietief in unserem Popkulturdiskurs stecken würde, und dann wäre er selbst schon so verdeutscht, dass er aus der Nummer nicht mehr rauskommt. Oder sie.

 

[Hero Of The Day]

Geil

WM 2018 Memes

 

[Novocaine]

Habe das jetzt einfach mal zu Facebook kopiert und bin gespannt, >50% nicht aus Deutschland.

Und es haben tatsächlich ausschließlich Deutsche drauf reagiert.

weiter im Text:

Wenn ich schon keinen Ofen habe, sollte ich zumindest mal ein Auto leihen und in die Sonne stellen:

 

[Henna]

 

[Henna]